Another Check Off The List

I just signed and sealed away our big, hefty middle payment to the adoption agency. It's such a bizarre feeling, to transfer money over in those amounts and count our pennies and feel concerned about affording this. We had to pay for most of Berit's many treatments, tests and medicine out of pocket, and for all of Marta's prenatal care and our entire hospital stay, including delivery. With Berit we were ready, though we didn't know we'd be using our let's-go-on-a-two-week-vacation-whenever-we-feel-like-it-fund for baby stuff. But thank God we had it. With Marta we were still recovering from our first pregnancy's expenses and we were able to handle it, but just.

And when we wrote those checks, we were so filled with anxiety. How would we get back to our ideal place?

We knew how much adoption would cost going in, so there are no surprises. We have had surprises, however, during our home renovation process and it's making our adoption fund exceptionally tight. But still, we know. It's so weird, to be this prepared. It's kind of nice, to have it all out of the way -- God knows we'll have our hands full when the baby's here. And even though it's not fun to send large sums of money away, we're not overly stressed about this. It's not part of an even bigger stressful event, like having a new baby and recovering from delivery (unless you count remodeling a house and living with your in-laws in the meantime).

And while every single day I wonder if we're doing the right thing, the process is so slow and gentle, it's practically fun. Last night we came up with a new name for the baby. You'll just have to be surprised.