Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Busy Day Ahead

We've gotten off to such a great day, and it's not even lunchtime. When I opened my eyes this morning, Trevor and the girls were standing there, already dressed, fed and shined, asking if I'd like cream in my coffee and by the way, the bookstore had called and offered to pay me top dollar for my opinions on every purchase their customers made today.

Barack Obama walked in and told me that he'd decided stay-at-home moms should be granted free health, dental and vision benefits (extended to their children, of course) and get two weeks of fully-nannied vacation time. 

Suddenly my black stretchy pants didn't feel so good and that short summer dress shoved in the back of my closet looked perfect for the sunny day ahead. I was stunned to see that it enhanced the leanness of my legs while still drawing an appropriate amount of attention to my killer rack. 

Marta toddled over and said "Pinecone. Oatmeal. Elbow. Grumpy troll." And because I know my child so well that the president himself is impressed, I knew to mean, "Mom, I think I'm pretty much over nursing. Why don't you go out and get yourself a few cute bras?"

The orthodontist walked in and told me that neither of the girls would ever need braces and because they had such perfect teeth, they'd each earned a full-ride scholarship to the college of their choice.

Berit announced that she had finally decided to stop going Number 2 in a Pull-Up and no, she wasn't very interested in watching TV anymore.

Our Realtor came in and handed me a stack of over-the-asking-price offers to peruse with my coffee, and wondered if I wouldn't mind if she declined the selling fee?

Edward Cullen stood up from the chair he had been sitting in all night, watching me sleep, and said, "Hey, your husband said I can be your freebie. Want to go check out this island with me?"

And, finally, God came in and said, "Lisa, you're right about the lottery. It's totally fair to let you win, because you do have the best intentions for the money. And by the way, no children or animals will ever suffer again."

Looks like it's going to be a busy day! Happy April Fools!


Liza said...

Ha! Love it. I told Ella Cinderella was on her way over to tidy the house up a bit. Her jaw hit the floor and then I spent all day trying to explain that there weren't going to be ANY princesses stopping by! :)

Candace said...

Best. Blog. Ever.

teri marsman said...

oh, edward. he must have stopped at your house after leaving mine.