Wait

So for now, I am waiting.

Last night we received information about a baby - four babies, actually, who need families. One baby in particular captivated both of us. Both of us. Without ribbons or bows, with her little humbleness and life and need, with her medical condition and all.

And because the information was sent at 5:30 p.m. and everyone apparently left the second someone pressed "send" on their e-mail, we did not get to speak to our caseworker until this morning. Sleep, eh. Right.

While walking through Meijer today, my caseworker called and I cried in the sugar aisle, and she told me not to get attached. Right.

There are other families who are interested in this little one, and while we are first on the list (we've been waiting the longest), our immigration is not sent in because of our recent move - so that puts us in a weird limbo. We'll still be considered but OhMyGodGetTheImmigrationIn.

We also have to come up with our many, many thousands of dollars Right Quick. So, there's that, burning a little hole in my brain because it should not be this way, when a baby needs a home and there is a home to be had.

And she's just there, just out of reach. We are attached. And yet we wait.

I'm waiting to pick up Marta from school, my to-do list for the day completely ignored, my house a mess, my groceries purchased this morning while talking on my phone and steering my cart with my elbow in the little coffee holder still in bags on the counter. Laundry undone. Dust bunnies taking over.

I sit here in front of the computer, hoping something will come up, though nothing is supposed to, nothing has been promised, there is nothing to wait for. But it's my link to the baby, so I dare not move unless I have to.

On January 3 our information will go to a review board who will decide about this little one's forever family. And so. The waiting.